Silence

I'm sitting in my office at the church. The children's minister just left, leaving the church absent of anyone but me. It's nice to sit back, put my bare feet on the desk, and type with the computer in my lap. There's no sound other than the hum of passing cars on the street outside my window. I'll leave shortly and go home to Jana, but a few moments of silent reflection are nice after a busy day. Tomorrow the routine of Wednesday Night and Sunday Night begins for me and the youth. I'm looking forward to it with a mix of excitement and fear. I think I can build a quality youth ministry here, but this is still my first full-time position. My predecessor was only here for a year, but he drew big crowds with crazy games and whatnot. I'm hoping to take things a little deeper, but that will take time and probably draw smaller crowds. I've already fought one battle with the "you don't understand how we do things around here" crowd, and things came out like I hoped they would, but I think that crowd may be biding its time and organizing for the next time I put myself out on a limb. I'm sure this is where God intends me to be right now, but I also know that doesn't guarantee a good outcome.

I'm reading over this and realizing it may sound like I'm sad or frustrated, but truthfully I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out this new place I'm in. I loved my time as a seminary student, but I knew that world wouldn't last forever. In many ways I think my trepidation comes from being in what feels like the beginning stages of the life I've always looked forward to but had yet to realize. It's scary, but a good scary, if that makes any sense.