Something keeps me silent
I still don't have much to say. It's like Kyle's death put my life on pause and for whatever reason I can't get things moving again. I do just enough to get by at church and have basically ignored school for three weeks now.
I have started to read the Bible and pray again. Often though after reading I just hold a posture of prayer, head bowed, eyes closed, sometimes laying prostrate on the floor, and just listen to my breathing. Crowder wrote recently on his blog, "for now there is just enough grace to keep breathing." I know what he means. But he and the DCB have found the strength to go back on tour, so why does the routine work of my life suddenly feel so difficult? Is this part of the grieving process? At what point am I just being lazy?
The stuff Crowder and Craig Nash have been writing has been helpful in making sense of it all. I highly recommend you check out their writings.
posted by Adam Phelan @ 8:15 AM
1 Comments:
I think that this is something that we are going to constantly struggle with as we go through our lives man. I was just listening to Dr. Claypool on an mp3 file that Allen Jones copied for me (let me know if you want them) from his Preaching Genesis class. He quoted the church fathers as saying something like the greatest struggle we face is forgetting. Our memory robs us of our ability to feel the grace that we once felt that enabled us to be so mobile in our duty to serve Christ. Our memory lets the attitude of worship slip from our hearts as we draw further and further away from our "aha" moments that can really mean so much.
It is funny that we so loosely hold onto the moments in our lives that so clearly define who we are in good ways, but we will cling in desperation to the things we have done through guilt or regret. Why can we not allow our redemptive moments to hold the same power?
I feel you man. I hope we can help one another to figure out how to do more than just carry on the good task set before us.
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